Grace on Display: SEEing the world in a new way

The Bentzel's just got back from vacationing in Chincoteague w/ Todd's family last week.

There were many firsts for lil' Rosie~ riding in a boat, baiting a hook, catching her first Croaker, playing in the ocean waves, boogie boarding, seeing a live shark caught on the beach, building a sand castle, eating lunch on the beach, riding on Grandpa's scooter...you get the picture!

Every summer, I pick a new book to read as I sit on the beach.

This year, I chose~ Choosing to SEE~ Mary Beth Chapman's story of victory in Christ after losing her precious 5 year old, Maria Sue in a tragic accident.

For the last three years, I've sat on the beach yearning to hold my sweet Sophie Rose~ for her to experience the salty ocean air, to snuggle w/ her after she comes out of the water, teeth chattering.

It's been almost year since we traveled to China to adopt her, so the honeymoon is over and life is a new normal.

I chose my book, determined to read it in it's entirety in 4 days.

Todd and I will often challenge each other when we see each being selfish and not engaging w/ one of the kids. At the beach is where I'm usually challenged. I find myself pretty entitled, after a year of homeschooling three kids, (and organizing El's graduation this year) to sit and just have "some time for myself."

I opened up the pages of Choosing to SEE and immediately found myself lost in Mary Beth's world.

We must be twins separated at birth!!!

I felt such a draw and kinship w/ her.

I read excerpts from her life that read like my own~ good girl growing up always wanting to do the right thing, rededicating my life to the Lord every so often, wanting to be a wife and mom living in a perfectly controlled (mine) environment, raising kids and living for God.

I woke up the entire house at 1:00am on Thursday night~ laughing hysterically as I read the excerpts of rafting on the Nile River and putting out their house fire.

I won't spoil it for you, you simply MUSSSSST read it for yourself.

I wondered if it was just me that thought it was funny b/c I'm so much like her, but it really is... as I've read it while sitting w/ my g-friends over a glass of wine.

All ladies will CACKLE!!!!

I knew when I bought the book what it would entail, but what I didn't realize was the conviction I would receive as I read of her background, suffering, pain, gut wrenching heart ache and finally SEEing Christ in the middle of it all.

I read of God's sovereignty and realized again, but as if for the first time, that all of our days are numbers by God's own hand.

I must not take any time for granted w/ our new daughter.

We've been going to Chincoteague for 26 years and most years, I'm on the beach reading my books and going knee deep in the water while the rest of the fam is boogie boarding in the waves.

I blame this on Todd's brother, who tortured/teased me, relentlessly, about the bottom dwelling crabs; I also saw all family members get stung by jelly fish and heard shark eating human stories...again from Todd's younger bro!(Love you, M!)

Hey, I trust God, but if I can control any piece of my life, it'll be this one, thank you very much! :D

Our first beach day brought a strong rip tide; Todd, Ellie and Shane, who are very strong swimmers, said it would be too hard for them to bring Sophie out to ride waves. The water was way too cold for me and Sophie was content to experience the newness of knee deep water on her own....I continued to reading.

I was angry when Todd mentioned my selfishness to me ("This is MY time!") and snapped at him after he kindly reminded me of all the time I waited for Sophie to get here and now I was reading!

It was then that I was at the end of the book and read MB's words: (I'm paraphrasing since I gave my book to a friend to read.)

"I wish I would have gotten in the water, even if it was cold."

Knife in my heart; pain in my chest.

Here is my sister in Christ continuing to reel from burying her 5 year old child and I have a healthy, active, beautiful, darling 8 year old Asian Princess who would like her mommy to get in the ocean w/ her!

I spent holy time w/ my Lord, repenting for my selfishness.... and got into the water.....and made a zillion memories.

Hope you enjoy our memorable vacation pics from 2011!